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Re: Obnoxious commentary <long, song included>

Poster: Luznicky <we4@widomaker.com>

At 10:09 PM 9/9/97 -0400, you wrote:
>Poster: "Brett W. McCoy" <bmccoy@CapAccess.org>
>On Fri, 5 Sep 1997, Efenwealt Wystle wrote:
>> Principalities are a GREAT idea! So are smaller Baronies! Smaller 
>> Groups! Diversity! Decentralization! The days of big government are 
>> over! The voices of the masses will pound like thunder against the walls 
>> of the nobless, clamoring for justice! "No taxation
>> without representation! Don't tread on me! No wine before its time! 
>> Don't squeeze the Charmin!" AHAHAHHHAA! And in the midst of the ensuing 
>> CHAOS, rising from the smoke and debris, a leader shall emerge. A man 
>> with miraculous powers and infinite wisdom. No, not Gyrth, not Michael, 
>> not Anton, not even Olaf, only Efen shall rise as the mighty ruler of 
>> all with his bloodied spear in his hand and a demented smile on his 
>> face! There can be only one! AHAHAHHAHAHAHAA!
>Hey, there, mate, what in the Known World have you been drinking, and why 
>aren't you sharing?
Isn't it OBVIOUS!  Imperium Compound.

It's an old song I first heard in the Middle, it's got a few Atlantian
verses, maybe it's time for more?.
(Sorry for the broken lines, this is as I got it.)

  IMPERIUM COMPOUND                                  (SONGS6.TXT)
                      (Tune: "Lily the Pink")

(1)     Now here's a story, a little bit gory,
        A little bit happy, a little bit sad.
        About a drink called Imperium Compound
        And how the SCA's been had!                       (1)

        Chorus: Oh we think, we think, we think,
                The King is a fink, a fink, a fink,
                A figure of respectability
                Rules the Kingdom thru Imperium Compound
                The results are plain to see!

        Duke Treegirtsea, was known for his courtesy,
        And his fighting prowess was well-renowned
        Took a thimble of Imperium Compound
        ely bald!       //and married!//    (1)

        There was Roland, he wrote with a slow hand
        But in what he writes he does take pride
        Dipped his quill in Imperium Compound
        And took Wandor for a ride!      //for money!//      (2)

        Azarael, a melodious fellow
        Sings a song both sweet and terse,
        After drinking Imperium Compound,
        He gets verse and verse and verse!                    

(10)    Hakan Redbeard, we thought him a bit wierd,
        We thought Vikings all were six foot four,
        Bathed his beard in Imperium Compound
        And he shrank right to the floor! //still singing!//  

        After Hakan, we sing of the KaKhan,
        And his Horde, which never seems to leave!
        They just smile at Imperium Compound,
        I wonder what is up his sleeve?   //wheet - thunk!//    

        AltChorus: Oh, we think, we think, we think,
                   The Khan is a fink, a fink, a fink,
                   A figure of incredibility
                   Rules the Horde with Ghengis Compound
                   With results that you can never see!

        Robert Asprin, pulled many a fast one
        On the Kingdom and its' Kings,
        So we all drank Imperium Compound
        Now we can stand the songs he sings! //oh, yeah?//    (4)

        There was Rolac, some thought him a Polack,
        But he was a Scot, you see,
        He took treatments of Imperium Compound,
        Now he's as wise as you or me!       //not likely!//   (1)

        Ol' Duke Siggie, a West Coast biggie,
        Didn't know enough for his own good!
        Threw a knife at Yang the Nauseating,
        And escaped with Brotherhood!                         (2)

        Kenneth of Cheviot, I haven't quite rhymed yet,
        But he has a fair and roving eye,
        When imbibing Imperium Compound
        He is never, ever, ever, shy!                         (2)

        Mongol Hordemen, those free-living swordsmen
        Subverting the Kingdoms from underneath!
        Have no use for Imperium Compound
        Except perhaps to brush their teeth!

        AltChorus: Oh we fink, we fink, we fink,
                   The Khan and the Kink, the Kink, the Kink,
                   And the Board, their Great Senilities!
                   The Western Irgun, drinks Imperium Compound
                   And we're BACK, with results you'll see!    (13) 

        Laurelin Darksbane, millenial elf-thane,
        Sought only for love and peace,
        Took a drink of Imperium Compound
        Now you'll find him in the trees!

        Daemon de Folo wants authority, solo,
        Like a tyrant he would be
        Stole a drink of Imperium Compound
        So much for MidRealm Heraldry!

        Anton Thoth-Ruhkh at drinking was no puke
        He has never ever reached his peak
        He was given Imperium Compound
        And pronounced it was too damn weak!

(20)    Then there's Tjukka - his best friend's a hookah
        He's smoked substances both strange and rare
        He tried smoking Imperium Compound
        Now he breathes water instead of air!

        Thorbjorn he....needed a remedy
        For with ladies he took fright
        Took a drink of Imperium Compound
        Now he's horny day and night!

        Rory O'Tomrair an Irishman debonair
        Of bureaucracy had had his fill
        Took a swig of Imperium Compound
        Now he's Kingdom Sene-SHILL!

        Then there's Duke Andy, who never was handy
        And at fighting he was only fair
        Till he tasted Imperium Compound
        Now he's claws and teeth and hair!

        Grimdore Hawksbane looked like a Great Dane
        And the ladies always passed him by
        So he tried some Imperium Compound
        Now they follow him and sigh!

        From Ansteorra came Sir Galem Ostwestly
        A most noble, chaste, and holy Knight
        Took a swig of Imperium Compound
        Now he ***ks and sings all night!

        Baron Moonwulf had a small problem
        He thought Rivengut was just too sweet
        So we gave him Imperium Compound
        Now he cannot find his feet!

        Lady Laurel, with Authority Royal,
        Passes and rejects our heraldry
        She needs a swig of Imperium Compound
        Then perhaps she'd deign to talk to me!            

        Kevin Perigrynne, we hoped that he'd win,
        When he made Duke William's helmet ring
        Though a mere Knight, he showed his great might
        Now he's our curly-headed King!

        AltChorus: Oh we think, we think, we think,
                   The King is a fink, a fink, a fink,
                   A figure of delectability!
                   Combs his hair with Imperium Compound
                   The results are plain to see!

        Said Kevin Perigrynne, I've really got to win
        My fighting poem is three years old today
        Rubbed his pinions with Imperium Compound
        And brought an old grey wolf to bay!

(30)    Kevin Perigrynne, they told him "You'll never win!"
        You're just a falcon with a broken wing
        Rubbed his elbow with Imperium Compound
        Even a cripple can be King!                         (11)

        Said Princess Pattty, "We're going batty,
        But the Kingdom must come first, I've heard...
        We'll run our lives with Imperium Compound
        And give the Western Crown the bird!

        Lady Trude thought it her duty
        To turn a social wrong into a Right
        Proved her point with Imperium Compound
        And showed that Cheshire Cats can fight!  //and scratch//

        Mary of Uffington said "Fighting's a lot of fun,
        But I've found a bigger thrill!"
        Earned a Clubbe with Imperium Compound
        Because it's lots more fun to kill!

        Siegfried the Urbane disguises a sharp brain
        Beneath a mop of flashy golden hair
        He rakes and he boozes, but it's Compound he uses
        When he runs out of savoir faire!                   (6)

        The Board of Directors styled themselves The Electors
        And another con they tried to swing
        Now the BoD drinks Imperium Compound
        So we no longer need a King!                        (7)

        AltChorus: Oh the Bod, the BoD, the BoD,
                   It thinks it is God, is God, is God,
                   The figure of Supreme Authority!
                   And if we O.D.'d on Imperium Compund
                   there'd be no need for Royalty!          (7/8)

        Jon deCles rules, as if we were all fools
        And won't ever try to change his ways
        Once the Horde drinks Imper       (5)

(40)    Kaththea verKaysc, was so very nice-ic
        For the King and Queen made Crepes Suzettes
        Into her recipe went Imperium Compound
        And she became a Baroness!                            (12)

        Duke Sir Brion, with his pretty white suit on,
        Is a model of goodness and purity
        Never touches Imperium Compound
(spoken:) And I'll sell ya seashore property in Yuma, too!   (5)

        KaKhan Yang the...great imbiber of Tully,
        Said there was no drink that he feared
        So he tried some Imperium Compound
        And completely disappeared!

        Good old Duncan was often drunken
        Chasing all the ladies fair
        He bathed himself in Imperium Compound
        Now he has a little savoir faire!                     (5)

        Christopher Houghton and his father dotin'
        Both undefeated sought the Kingship
        But Christopher bathed in Imperium Compound
        While William only took a dip!

        Ioseph of Locksley, never changes his socks, he
        Runs around looking like a Cavalier,
        He stocked up on Imperium Compound
        And he has enough to last for years and years!        (13)

        AltChorus: Oh they forgot, forgot, forgot
                   The Locks-e-ly Plot, the Plot, the Plot!
                   And it works the best when it is underground!
                   It isn't a hassle for a green-and-white tassle
                   They're the ones that BREW Imperium Compound!  (13)

        Seneshal Keridwen, a leader of good men,
        Sought to give away her job
        She was poisoned with Imperium Compound
        Now when we think of her, we sob!

        Duchess Deshive, had it her own way,
        Ruled Caid, and as a Queen, did well!
        But they gave out Imperium Compound,
        And a toga party blew it all to hell!                 (13)
        Trelon of the Wood, he was very good, he
        Was a leader that had never been beat before;
        But Caid had Imperium Compound,
        And Imperial Roman Caid won the War!  //with help!//   (13)

        Criostan MacAmhlaidh don't like creepy-crawlies
        And she very seldom sees the light of day,
        But she drank some Imperium Compound,
        And now she "pets de cat" in several ways!  //meow!//  (13)

(50)    In Tyr Ysgithr, it's regularly whispered there
        That the Kingdom is ruled over by a King    // What's THAT? //
        They're "democratic" and quite erratic....
        They've forgot the purpose of the whole damn thing!     (17)

        There was a Viking, he once was my King,  
        His name is Asbjorn, he's the one.
        Does his hair with Imperium Compound--
        Is it true blondes have more fun?                     (14)

        Good old Ardjukk, he never got any nookie,
        He was always standing 'round behind the door
        But then he tasted Imperium Compound
        He's Afraid-Of-His-Cats, but he's got pussy galore!    (5)

        Finvarr de Taahe, he needed a remedy
        For the falcons nesting in his hair;
        So he sprayed them with Imperium Compound
        Now petrified falcons roost up there!              (14-16)

        King Sir Mark von, with his pretty white suit on,
        Rules the Kingdom both with Grace and Purity!
        He never touches Imperium Compound
        At least not where anyone else can see!                (5)

        Good King Christian, we never could question
        So it happened at October Crown:
        He led the Kingdom out into the water
        And his                     (16)

        When Count Murad was the Crown Prince
        He was known far and wide as Akbar's lad;
        He drank to excess of Imperium Compound
        And then was known as Akbar's dad!                     (16)

        Rakkurai, the yarmulke'd Sam-rye
        Swore he'd never need a drink,
        When he was offered Imperium Compound
        Just to prove the King's a fink!      //OY! vas he!//   (16)

        Cariadoc drinks Imperium Compound
        Just before the start of every bout
        No need to ask him why he does it
        When Duke Nijinsky starts to leap about!                (16)

        Count Jehan, it's true, is a loup-garou
        And it's sad to say he got that way
        When he drank too much Imperium Compound
        And at the moon began to bay!        // Arooooooo! //   (16)

        It's said of Duke Angus, he likes to drink kumiss
        In fact he'll drink most anything,
        But he'll never touch Imperium Compound
        For only BUD is fit for Kings!                         (16)

        Alaric thinks Imperium Compound
        As a party drink is only fair
        But it's great to polish armour
        Or to wash down Gummi-Bears!                           (16)

        Now Laeghaere of the Strong Hand
                He comes from Ireland
        And was, accordingly, weaned on Uisquebaugh
        But when he sips Imperium Compound
        You'll hear an Irish Wolfhound's howl  //Aroooooo!//    (16)

        Don Fernando drinks tequila
        By the jugful...never gets him high
        Takes a sip of Imperium Compound
        and OLE! The Spanish Fly!                              (16)

        Fredrick of Holland came from the Westland
        And in the East by him great deeds were done
        He'd worked up a thirst for Imperium Compound
        For he'd been fighting since DAY ONE! // No Kidding! //  (16)

(70)    Gyrth Oldcastle wanted no hassle
        Just a drink that's tried and true
        So Melisande makes his Imperium Compound
        From an ancient Fambly brew!                           (16)

        Bertrand de Flammepoing, he really must be aw-
        Fully sure of his invulnerability
        He cried thru a bowl full of Imperium Compound
        "Let's try assassinating me!"                          (16)

        Setanta Rex, he, became King X, he
        Got killed off sometime in the spring
        So Aidan drank his Imperium Compound
        "The King is dead! Long live the...Queen?"             (16)


        Hasdrubal downed Imperium Compound
        And put the archer's noses out of joint
        He thought we had too many Orders
        So the Pheon lost its' point!                          (16)

        Sedalia and Viktor took the sceptre
        And there happened a peculiar thing:
        They both drank so much Imperium Compound
        You couldn't tell which one was King!                  (16)

(80)    Morghun Sheridan had a Crown to win
        Which he did for one and all to see;
        He washed his dishes in Imperium Compound
        And put the Kingdom on KP!                             (16)

        Ronald Wilmot says he is still not
        Sure that his good luck he can believe:
        He flew due East on Imperium Compound
        And landed in the strawberry leaves!                   (16)

        The Fates were perusing; a King they were choosing
        Of the safe and sane and saintly sort
        Then they tippled Imperium Compound,
        And now Sebastian's holding Court!                     (16)

        Bruce of Cloves was King of the Eastland
        But his reign it must have been a bore:
        Just what he did with Imperium Compound
        No one remembers anymore!                              (16)

        When Laeghaere O'Laverty has the depravity
        To entertain a Lady in her bower,
        He takes a sip of Imperium Compound,
        Ere demonstrating Tyrone's power!                      (16)

        Fernando drank Imperium Compound
        But he doesn't do it any more;
        Not since he saw a Quetzacoatl
        Above his chamber door!     // a-singing....! //       (16)

        Fredrick of Holland drank Imperium Compound
        But he didn't think it awfully neat,
        Made a face and muttered lowly:
        "This stuff is too damn sweet!"                        (16)

        When Setanta ascended the Eastern Throne
        He was nothing special to behold;
        Until he drank some Imperium Compound:
        Now he's a Playgirl centerfold!                        (16)

        When Setanta was the Crown Prince
        He wore garments of a sombre hue
        Then he tasted Imperium Compound
        And now he's berry, berry blue!                        (16)

        Imperium Compound is a manly brew
        As many a puissant Countess will assert!
        It makes you wonder about King Vissevald
        The King who wears a skirt!                            (16)

(90)    Vissevald is King of the Eastland
        Drinks Imperium Compound by the quart
        He likes it so much he's never noticed
        We now wear daggers into Court!                        (16)

        Vissevald and his Lady Mara
aton, was never beaten
        On the field, or in the drinking hall;
        At the Catbox War with Caid,
        Left thirty bodies piled against the wall!              (5)

        Denis O'Titans was good at smitin'
        A Locksley Monster in every single way!
        Drank a little Imperium Compound
        And ATE Deaton's sword that day  // No! REALLY! //       (5)

        Wotan the Mongoloid, a little bit paranoid,
        But a nice guy none the less;
        Drank a mess of Imperium Compound
        Now he's Justin du Roc, I confess!                       (5)

        Then there's Duke Reynard, with a face like a St. Bernard
        Of the Dukes, he is the homliest
        He tends to toke up on Imperium Compound
        And go out and whomp on anybody's best!                   

(100)   Oh, Ebenezer, thought he was Julius Caesar
        So they put him in the Funny Home.
        Then they gave him Imperium Compound,
        Now he's Emperor of Rome.
        AltChorus: Oh let's drink a drink, a drink, a drink,  
                   To Lily the Pink, the Pink, the Pink,
                   The savior of the human ra-aa-ace.
                   She invented Imperium Compound,
                   Most effacatious in evr'y case.

        There was Horic, We thought he was sick,
        As a War-Puppy he was insane,
        Gave up Tranya for Imperium Compound,
        Now we have an Acid Reign!            //Oh wow, man!//   (18)

        This song'll bedevil the folks at a revel,
        And most of the time it will annoy the King,
        So take a drink of Imperium Compound
        And let's go Royalty-bedeviling!                         (5)

        Duchess Anna is quite a fan-a
        Going on a wartime shopping spree!  \\ War Point!\\
        Took a drink of Imperium Compound
        And shopped so fast we couldn't see! \\ Z-o-o-o-om!\\    (5)

        Lyn of Whitewolfe, made of the right stuff,
        Twice the Queen of Atenveldt;
        Took a drink of Imperium Compound
        And the Kingdom of Caid before her knelt!                (5)

        Duke Sir Brion, and Duke Sir Trelon,
        Won the Crown with regularity;
        Drank a lot of Imperium Compound,
        And founded a dynasty!                                   (5)

        Stephan von Geist, was most awful nice,
        And a chivalrous fighter without any doubt
        Took a swig of Imperium Compound
        And won the Crown his first time out!                    (5))

        Then there's Dagan, his brother's the Ka-Khan,
        Which is quite funny in a King!
        If he gets hooked on Imperium Compound
        There'll be new songs to sing!    \\ Oh, really?\\       (19)  

        Fredrick of Holland, who dwells in the Northland,
        A Master from the West, he came!
        Spends all his money for Imperium Compound
        That's why his garb's always the same!                   (20)

        Now Gyrth Oldcastle, round as a beer barrel,
        Once chose to quarrel with a certain Bard;
        The poet served him with Imperium Compound,
        And left him rendered down to lard!                      (20)

(112)   Many tales abound of Imperium Compound
        And its' strange effects on Royalty,
        But after an hour, this song has no power,
        And by now, it's boring ME!                             (16)

        Duchess Malinda, who doesn't do windas
        But she does a lot of Duchess Things,
        But give her a LOT oHymnal (3rd Ed.)     (20): Unknown SCA

        Where no credit is given: Author/source unknown.
        Send any verses you have that are NOT in here to:

   Ioseph of Locksley        This is one of several files comprising the 
   c/o PO Box 35190          Black Book of Song of Ioseph of Locksley.
   Phoenix AZ 85069 USA      Collect them all!

Mikhail the Armorer
Tarkhan Khanate Bright Hawk
Great Household of the Dark Horde
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