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If All the World Were Paper - 12 Verses
IF ALL THE WORLD WERE PAPER
from Wite Recreations, 1641
If all the world were paper,
And all the sea were ink,
And all the trees were bread and cheese,
What would we do for drink?
If all the world were sand-o!
Oh, then what should we lack-o!
If, as they say, there were no clay,
How should be take tobacco?
If all our vessels ran-a
If none had but a crack-,
If Spanish apes ate all the grapes,
How should we do for sack?
If friars had no bald pates
No nuns no dark cloisters,
If all the seas were beans and peas,
What should we do for oysters?
If there had been no projects,
Nor none that did great wrongs;
If fiddlers shall turn Players all,
How should we do for songs?
If all things were eternal,
And nothing their end bringing,
If this should be, then how should we
Here make an end of singing?
More Verses from SCA:
by Caellyn & Randall [from whence I cannot tell]
If all the ships did leak-o
And sailors had no daring;
If fishing lines were made of rhymes,
What would we do for herring?
If hosen had no lacings,
And shirts lost every button,
If all the sheep the wall did leap,
What would be do for mutton?
If cooks threw out the baked meat,
And only bones did keep,
If all the beds were filed with lead,
What would we do for sheep?
If all the peers were pagan,
and prayers were said no place,
If by some fluke there were no duke,
What would we do for grace?
If duchys had no ladies,
To grant the realm largesse,
If chequer-boards were cut with swords,
Then how would we, Duchess? [Do Chess! - Get it?!]
If Barons lost their Baronies,
And each king lost his throne;
If all our dicks were in a box,
How would we find our own?
(Baron Giles adds: "Some years ago, when Isabelle Antonia de Arunquez was
Queen of Caid, the last quatrain was rewritten to:
If all the bottles leakÚd,
But none of them were broke,
And Aten knights drank Diet Sprites,
What would we do for Coke?"
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