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[Ermine] medieval pickup lines (fwd)




Poster: "Brett W. McCoy" <bmccoy@CapAccess.org>

This is just too silly to not share.

Istvan
---------------------
Medieval Pick-Up Lines

*Hey, Princess, you wouldn`t happen to know where a lonely knight could
scabbard his sword, would you? -- 

*Been there, slain that. -- 

*Your hovel or mine? -- 

*Pestilence makes the heart go wander. --

*Pardon me, madam, but wouldeth thou like to see my longsword in action? 

*Every second of every hour of every day is like a thousand knives 
of fire stabbing me in the heart. I long for thee incessantly, so much 
that mine sorrow seems without surcease. My alliteration is small 
comfort next to the warm gaze of thine azure eyes. I crave the comfort 
of thine embrace like some lost child cold and alone in the dark....So, 
you wanna !@$% ???-- 

*You wanna go upstairs and see my Holy Grail? -- 

*I like the cut of your jib. -- 

*If I were that horse, I`d rather you mounted me without the saddle. -- 

*Wizard: You know, my hat isn`t the only thing that`s pointed. -- 

*Thy breastplate is wondrous! Wouldst thou hold my polearm whilst I 
attempt to light thy fire? -- 

*Dost thou practice safe hex? -- 

*Dost thou know? That chastity belt of yours would look great on my
sleeping chambers floor. --

*I had to swim the moat to get to you fair maiden. So, would you like to
see my breaststroke? --  

*Wench: what`s that sound? 
 Knight: that`s just the sound of my chain mail drawers expanding.-- 

*Thou hast hit on me harder than the black plague! -- 

*Why don`t we go back to my place and re-enact "The Miller`s Tale?" -- 

*You won`t believe this but St. George just appeared to me in a vision  
and told me that I must bed you...the fate of England depends is on it!! 
--

*Ever see a passion play? Would you like to? -- 

*Don`t believe the rumors you heard about me .. . . the Bubonic plague  
didn`t affect the important parts. -- 

*Like a mare, I can be ridden for hours. --  

*How, you ask, did I get up here to your balcony? Well, I espied you 
from yonder garden. In an instant my er, heart was swelled with lus.. 
er, love. I had to meet you! So I ranneth over but tripped on a stone 
thusly pole-vaulting into your arms. -- 

*I`ve been VERY NAUGHTY. You`ll have to put me in the stocks and...er... 
PUNISH me, now won`t you? -- 

*C`mon, sweetie...Didn`t your mother ever tell you? A cleric a day keeps 
the black plague away. -- 

*I lost my leg in battle. Guess what I`m walking on! -- 

*Yes, fair maiden, I am indeed a wizard. Shall I make your clothes  
disappear? -- 

*I`m really a prince cursed by an evil witch. Tell me, do you have sex 
with frogs? --

*My! But you are a beautiful damsel in distress! Allow me to help you 
out of it. -- 

*What a fine gown you wear, my lady. Perchance couldst I talk you out of 
it? -- 

*I seem to have lost my sex slave, can I borrow you for a bit? -- 

*You know, I was once imprisoned in a tower very much like Repunnzel.  
Only it wasn`t my hair that the queen asked me to let down. -- 

*A day just wouldn`t be complete without a Knight. -- 

*I may not be a priest, but I can get you to heaven, m`lady. -- 

*What say ye we have our own Norman conquest, lass? -- 

*Come up to my chamber and I`ll show you the largest treasure in the 
land. 

*You can place your greeves under my pallet anytime. -- 

*Hey, big boy, how would you like to help this maiden out of dis-dress? 
 

*Wanna polish my pike? -- 

*Ello, milady, thou art under siege. I shall scale thy battlements with 
mine grappling hook! --

*My Lady, dost thou possess a looking glass in thine bodice? For I may  
surely see myself within their folds. -- 

*Has anyone ever told you that you have a lovely wimple? -- 

*May I show you a fascinating Saracaen ritual I learned while hiding in 
a harem after Hattin? -- 

*A world without day is gloomy indeed, but a world without Knight would 
be pure misery. --

*Milady, it`s not the size of the wand that matters, but the magic  
within. 

*I have the key to your chastity belt and you have the key to my heart. 

*Mayest I hose down your doublet? 

*Your eyes are as dark as a castle moat by midnight. Lower your  
drawbridge and let me cross. 

*You should be glad I`m not a Viking. You would have been ravaged and
 plundered by now. 

*What`s a nice maiden like you doing in a dungeon like this? 

*You can scale my battlements any day, madam. 

*You scratch my boils and I`ll scratch yours. 

*They don`t call me Lance-A-Lot for nothing, you know. 

*My that`s a fine set of chalices you have there. 

*Ssh, I don`t want everyone to know I`m on a secret holy quest.

*When the Inquisition put me on the rack, my limbs weren`t the only 
thing they stretched. 
----------------------------------------
 Brett W. McCoy - bmccoy@capaccess.org  | There is only one difference
www.geocities.com/Athens/Parthenon/1038 | between myself and a madman,
 Disciple of the Eastern Mysteries of   |   and that is I am not mad
         both Love and War              |     -- Salvador Dali     

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