Press Release

[sburke@exis.net (Scott Burke)]

CLINTON DEPLOYS VOWELS TO BOSNIA

Cities of Sjlbvdnzv, Grzny to be first recipients

Before an emergency joint session of Congress yesterday, President Clinton
announced US Plans to deploy over 75,000 vowels to the war-torn region of
Bosnia.  The deployment, the largest of its kind in American history, will
provide the region with the critically needed letters A, E, I, O, and U; and
is hoped to render countless Bosnian names more pronounceable.

"For six years, we have stood by while names like Ygrjvslhv and Tzlynhr and
Glrm have been horribly butchered by millions around the world, " Clinton said.
"Today, the United States must finally stand up and say 'enough.'  It is
time the people of Bosnia finally had some vowels in their incomprehensible
words."

The deployment, code named Operation Vowel Storm by the State Department, is
set for early next week, with the Adriatic port cities of Sjlbvdnzv and Grzny
slated to be the first recipients.  Two C-130 transport planes, each carrying
over 500 24-count boxes of "E's," will fly from Andrews Air Force Base across
the Atlantic and airdrop the letters over the cities.

Citizens of Grnzy and Sjlbvdnzv eagerly await the arrival of the vowels.
"My God, I do not think we can last another day," Trszg Grzdnjkln, 44, said.
"I have six children and none of them has a name that is understandable to me
or to anyone else.  Mr. Clinton, please send my poor wretched family just
one 'E.'  Please."

Said Sjlbvdnzv resident Grg Hmphrs, 67: "With just a few key letters, I could
be George Humphries.  This is my dream."  The airdrop represents the largest
deployment of any letter to a foreign country since 1984.  During the summer
of that year, the US shipped 92,000 consonants to Ethiopia, providing cities
like Ouaouoaua, Eaoiiuae and Aao with vital, life-giving supplies of L's, T's
N's and S's.

Further bulletins will be released as the operation proceeds.





= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
Scott Burke                    :                             Paramedic 
sburke@exis.net                :                    Board of Directors 
Virginia Beach, Virginia       :     Kempsville Volunteer Rescue Squad 
Paramedic, Portsmouth Fire, Rescue, and Emergency Services, Portsmouth
Critical Care Transport Team,  Medical Transport Inc.,  Virginia Beach

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