Disc: Heartache

[SheehanTA@aol.com]

My regrets to Bran and all those associated with his inadvertent publication of a private letter.  I have no doubt there will be considerable talk for some time to come, along with many bruised egos, wounded sensibilities, and outraged honor.

The problems pointed out in the letter may or may not reflect an accurate statement of affairs in terms of actual events, but they do highlight one of the SCA biggest problems: confronting people about actions or statements we find objectionable.  *IF* the 12-15 Atlantia fighters were causing a problem, why did Bytor
not say something at the time?  *IF* the fighters were failing to acknowledge blows, why did the aggrieved party not ask a marshal to speak to them during the hold or after the battle?  *IF* Sir Kane expressed pride in a fighter who failed to acknowledge blows, why did the observer not make his 'horror' known then?

Most of us recognize the need to maintain peace and good social relations within the SCA.  Telling anyone, anywhere they are not meeting *your* standard of personal behavior is a difficult proposition.  Most people bristle and  become angry if told they are behaving in a manner unacceptable to you.  Too often it leaves hard feelings rather than provoking any effort to change the situation.

We must learn to give and receive criticism in a mature manner, preferably when the problem occurs or soon thereafter.  If we wait too long or vent to another person rather than addressing the source, it
does little good. This means speaking accurately and factually as well as listening for content, not just emotionally.  A willingness to openly hear another's point of view, whether we accept it or not, is essential to keeping our Society functioning on all levels be it local, kingdom, national, or international.

Deirdre O'Siodhachain (Terry Sheehan)

P.S.

The mention of His Highness' alleged behavior towards a waitress brought up a pet peeve of mine.  I've waited tables.  The SCA has a tendency to show up a restaurants with unusually large groups expecting to sit together and still receive outstanding service.  These groups are often rude and demanding under circumstances even the best waiters/waitresses and kitchen staffs would find difficult,  yet then blame the server for everything that goes wrong.  If you want good service, break up your party into smaller groups of 6-8 people and ask to be seated near each other.  And let the restaurant know in advance you are coming.  Show up on time and as a complete party rather than being expected to be seated as you arrive or adding people after you've given them a headcount.  A little courtesy and organization on your part will help matters immensely.  Certainly the restaurant business is a service business, and bad service is
bad service, but that is no reason to unfairly test their limits.