Disc: Heartache

[Michael_Ford@notesgw.hns.com]

Poster: Michael_Ford@notesgw.hns.com

Greetings Everyone,

In case not everyone could read that attatched file from Deirdre O'Siodhachain, 
I have downloaded it in message format,(Deirdre, I have 2 mail readers and only 
one can extract files, I do not mean to be presumptious, forgive me).  Take 
care and have fun my friends,

Sean MacKay

Begin Attatched message:
----------------------------------------

My regrets to Bran and all those associated with his inadvertent publication of 
a private letter.  I have no doubt there will be considerable talk for some 
time to come, along with many bruised egos, wounded sensibilities, and outraged 
honor.  

The problems pointed out in the letter may or may not reflect an accurate 
statement of affairs in terms of actual events, but they do highlight one of 
the SCA biggest problems: confronting people about actions or statements we 
find objectionable.  *IF* the 12-15 Atlantia fighters were causing a problem, 
why did Bytor not say something at the time?  *IF* the fighters were failing to 
acknowledge blows, why did the aggrieved party not ask a marshal to speak to 
them during the hold or after the battle?  *IF* Sir Kane expressed pride in a 
fighter who failed to acknowledge blows, why did the observer not make his 
'horror' known then?

Most of us recognize the need to maintain peace and good social relations 
within the SCA.  Telling anyone, anywhere they are not meeting *your* standard 
of personal behavior is a difficult proposition.  Most people bristle and  
become angry if told they are behaving in a manner unacceptable to you.  Too 
often it leaves hard feelings rather than provoking any effort to change the 
situation.

We must learn to give and receive criticism in a mature manner, preferably when 
the problem occurs or soon thereafter.  If we wait too long or vent to another 
person rather than addressing the source, it does little good. This means 
speaking accurately and factually as well as listening for content, not just 
emotionally.  A willingness to openly hear another's point of view, whether we 
accept it or not, is essential to keeping our Society functioning on all levels 
be it local, kingdom, national, or international.

Deirdre O'Siodhachain (Terry Sheehan)

P.S.

The mention of His Highness' alleged behavior towards a waitress brought up a 
pet peeve of mine.  I've waited tables.  The SCA has a tendency to show up a 
restaurants with unusually large groups expecting to sit together and still 
receive outstanding service.  These groups are often rude and demanding under 
circumstances even the best waiters/waitresses and kitchen staffs would find 
difficult,  yet then blame the server for everything that goes wrong.  If you 
want good service, break up your party into smaller groups of 6-8 people and 
ask to be seated near each other.  And let the restaurant know in advance you 
are coming.  Show up on time and as a complete party rather than being expected 
to be seated as you arrive or adding people after you've given them a 
headcount.  A little courtesy and organization on your part will help matters 
immensely.  Certainly the restaurant business is a service business, and bad 
service is bad service, but that is no reason to unfairly test their limits.
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