Kane story; not for the timid, and a story list (remind me!)

[blackbow@juno.com (David H Ritterskamp)]

Poster: blackbow@juno.com (David H Ritterskamp)


On Tue, 22 Oct 1996 08:13:24 +0000 Karen Louise Flessas
<louise.flessas@worldnet.att.net> writes:
>Jonathan -
>
>> If enough people think it would be apropos, I can even relate the
>> story that (annoyingly enough) gives even a crushing event such as
>> his death humor...
>
>I would like to hear this story.  Good memories lighten the heart.
>
>Johanna
>
>
Well, I gave you your 24 hours, so don't say I didn't warn you. 

And it came to pass, one fine day several years ago, that Syr Kane ,and
such members of his household as saw fit, did rent a large dragon for
purposes of going to The War of the Gulf.

Great deeds were done by many at that war, and great was the enjoyment of
all.

"....so anyway, No S**t There I Was, having driven the RV down to Gulf
Wars, so of course it was Janos's turn to drive.  Well, Janos, you know,
has a...how shall we say...rather vague idea of decorum behind the wheel.

The RV (of course) included a shower and a bathroom, which sped the trip
up greatly not having to stop for everybody.  

So we're driving back from Gulf Wars, somewhere in the middle of Alabama
(you'll see why we know this momentarily) and Kane goes back to the back
of the RV, for to refresh himself.

Now, we'd already had a really hilarious time poking fun at Kane because
that d**n toilet was so small, compared to his huge...well, you know.  I
suspect that when he sat down he couldn't even really see said toilet. 
So we had a great time poking fun at him for that.  He just grinned and
tickled all of us senseless.  You KNOW you couldn't tickle Kane, or pinch
Kane, or anything short of whacking him with a hammer."

[I must digress momentarily here - Kane was in a previous car accident in
which a large frying pan was literally squashed (as I understand it)
after he hit it.  We, of course, wanted to know how hard Sally had had to
hit him with it to make that dent.]

But I digress.

"So anyway, Janos is driving, and we're weaving in and out of traffic (or
was that us weaving?  I don't remember) and somebody does something Janos
considered rude.  So he swerves the vehicle (he SAID he was swerving to
miss something) and an 18-wheeler on the other side has a really powerful
draft, so we get sucked on by that for awhile, and Janos is having a fine
old time cussing the drivers of everything else on the road.

A few seconds later, Kane staggers out of the bathroom and wanders up to
the front, where the rest of us have taken refuge from the fragrancy
wafting out of the potty.

He opens his mouth, and for a second, nothing comes out.  Finally, he
says...

"I *KNOW* I've all told you about my plans for exiting this plane of
existence, but let me recap.  I plan to pass on doing three things
simultaneously:

One, throwing the God Flat Snap of All Time.  
 
Two, (intimate sexual act deleted) from (various women, not necessarily
anyone specific.  Usually a Sports Illustrated model.)

Three, quaffing a drink that simultaneously tastes of pizza (extra
peppers, please) and beer.

"I KNOW I have made this clear to all of you.  But let me make myself
even MORE clear...

ON THE JOHN, IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY, IN ALABAMA, WITH YOU FRUIT
LOOPS, IS *NOT* IT!!!"

-finis

..ask me really nicely and I'll tell you the Sequel.  It's strictly G
rated, though, so no worries.

[Note:  this story, with VERY minor editing for dramatization and
content, is true, word for word.  Have fun laughing.]


PS - if I don't tell these stories, feel free to remind me if you see me.
 Just give me a couple of key words...

1.	Chauffeur to HRM...
2.	Gulf Wars - The Revenge and the RV (that's the sequel to the
above)
3.	Mongo stories - "Hah! Mongo has outskilled you!"
4.	Snitching Food From Kane
5.	Woogie-oogie-boogie-oogie-woogie! [said with vigor in a
falsetto]
6.	Kane's Crown Tourney (the one he won) and No Toilet Paper
7.	Kane Kills Some Poor Slob Who Was Wearing STRANGE Butt Armor
8.	The Year Kane Didn't Go To Pennsic and Wanted to Make Sure
Something Got Done
9.	Battletech, Kane's Way
10.	Gulf Wars - Popcorn and...
11.	Mongo Stories - The Lean Years
12.	Gulf Wars - The Bridge Battle...
13.	Gulf Wars - The Field Battle, Kane's clumsiness, and the
resultant (almost) heroism
14.	Gulf Wars and Poor Jonathan's Head, and Asgard

These are just the ones I remember off the top of my head... I'll try to
get all of these out on the net...but feel free to catch me anytime.

Hell, I wonder if there's a University Class in this...Deirdre?  I may be
able to squeeze in a couple of hours around my other stuff...

In Memoriam and Merriment,

Lord Jonathan Blackbow




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