[MR] Bovine or Hircine?

["Ed Hopkins" <Ed.Hopkins@MCI.Com>]

Poster: "Ed Hopkins" <Ed.Hopkins@MCI.Com>

> -Kofryna the Goatherd. Name and device. Gules, a cow contourny and in
>         chief a decrescent argent, a bordure Or mullety azure.
>         The name is being returned for lack of documentation. The armory is
>         being returned for a redraw, as it was not clear, even on the large
>         emblazon, whether the animal was a cow as blazon, or a goat, what
>         the submitter apparently wanted.

I imagine it happened something like this:

Kofryna: I want to have a red background, and (since my byname is "the
         Goatherd") I want a white goat, with her head turned back...

Herald:  Okay, now, first of all we have to translate this into
         heraldese.  You don't say "background" or "field" at
         all; you just jump right in with the color.  And instead
         of saying "red", we use the heraldese word for "red",
         which is "gules", and instead of saying "goat", we say "cow".

Kofryna: The heraldese word for "goat" is "cow"?

Herald:  Hey, I don't make up these rules; I'm just the messenger.

=============================================================

No, it probably didn't go like that at all.  It was probably more
like this:

Kofryna: I want "Gules, a goat regardant and in chief..."

Herald:  Now, we don't have to worry about the blazon.  See,
         it says, "For Triton use only".  We just draw it here,
         and write in "Gu." to show the field is red, etc, and
         the Triton Herald will do the blazon.  We call it a 
         "trick".

Kofryna: Wait a minute; you just drew a billy goat.  I want a
         nanny goat.

Herald:  What's the difference?

Kofryna: A nanny goat doesn't have a penis.

Herald:  You mean, "pizzle".  But that's only one point of difference.

Kofryna: Well, nanny goats have udders.

Herald:  Okay, I drew in udders.

Kofryna: Now it looks like a goat with the hindquarters of a cow!

Herald:  This is just a submission form; it doesn't have to be
         suitable for framing.

==============================================================

Or maybe it didn't happen that way either.  Usually heralds
aren't as smart-alecky as I imagine.

-- Alfredo el Bufon
former pursuivant

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