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Feat of Sir Bohort

(Hmmm. The Merry Rose.... nice place. Odd looking crowd tho.)

<takes a sip of wine and clears his throat>

As we are all reciting stories, I should like to share something with
you, sort of an odd piece which I learned from an appropriately odd

This is the Feat of Sir Bohort, a knight from the days of Arthur. Bohort
was well known as the strongest and indeed the _largest_ of all the
knights of his day. But he was also a very simple and gentle soul, as
very large men sometimes are. 

Sir Bohort was one of the knights who attempted to draw the sword,
Excalibur, from the stone. He did not do this out of any ambition to
be king, mind you, but simply because his friends asked him to, out
of admiration for his prodigious bulk and strength.

Sir Bohort finished off a whole roast chicken he held in one meaty paw,
then he grasped the sword with both hands and tugged. Eventually,
Bohort vlimbed the stone, planting both feet firmly on either side of the
sword, grabbed the crossguard with both hands and gave a mighty pull
with every ounce of his strength. 

It was at that point that SIr Bohort performed the Feat for which he
is so justly forgotten.

The Feat of Sir Bohort  -Nicholas Seare

With every sinew straining
and teeth set in a growl,
there came a roar like thunder
from deep in Bohort's bowel.

The grass beneath his noble feat
turned yellow, sere, and rust
and leaves did flutter from the trees
all withered from the gust.

And passing birds fell from the sky
and waddled, drunk and dazed,
among the feet of noblemen,
who staggered back and gazed

With horror on the greenish fog
that soon would them o'erwhelm.
And panic gripped the bravest men,
the stalwarths of the realm.

Although they fled right willingly,
a few did cough and fall
and writhe upon the ground
and clutch their throats and call

To have their torments ended 
with a kindly coup de grace
as swirling vapor etched and rusted
armor, sword, and mace.

An plowmen, working in the fields
a league or more away,
did stop and sniff the air and frown
and to their fellows say

"Rude peers, hast thou no shame at all,
that thou wouldst grin and feign
that I, not thee, besmirched myself
and made this rueful stain?"

Then God, in all His mercy,
made a breeze come from the east
to clear the air and spare the lives
of maiden, man, and beast.

But Ireland did suffer sore,
with stunted men and lame.
The weather in that blighted isle
has never been the same.

Great though the damage was and vast,
it might have been more dire
if nimble-witted servants
had not doused the cooking fire.


Is there anything to eat, around here?


--------- John Strauss     gc429@cleveland.freenet.edu ---------
University Atlantia #38 is April 8th at Rencester on the William
and Mary Campus. Taking class proposals immediately. Taking bids
for UA #39 on July 1st.  - Henry Best, Chancellor, U of Atlantia