[Date Prev][Date Next][Thread Prev][Thread Next][Date Index][Thread Index][Author Index][Search Archives]

Oh!... _Then_ you burn!!

Unto all you wrote to refute Erik of the Grey Matter's logic:
I would like to point out that his system of rape, burn, and plunder is
completely his own, and not of my mind.  I am but a traveling bard, picking
up bits of history as I go and passing them on to those who would listen.  I
have never actually raided a town. (Although it sounds like fun...  how about
a feild trip?)
Erik of the Grey Matter's ideas were never popular among the Vikings, except
for one group who tried to raid Crete, but read the map wrong and wound up in
Canada.  Erik had no concern for flamable materials such as fur and cloth.
 He had given up wearing fur and encouraged all Vikings to forgoe tis
barbaric practice.  He also was in favor of weaving his own cloth, and was
quite accomplished at the skill.  He cared not for the brew that was wasted
by burning, for in his opinion, all Vikings could do with a little less mead.
 Personally he never touched the stuff-- it gave him gas.  
And he also was not concerned for the quality of gold jewerly or artifacts
brought back.  He was in favor of smelting them all down anyway and romolding
them into original Viking Art.  All in all, burning first was more time
effecient, and that's all Erik was concerned with anyway.  Unfortunately,
Erik met an untimely death when the whole of the Viking nation (the only
known time when all Vikings united against a common foe) docked in front of
Erik's home, and set fire to in while he lay sleeping inside.  They burned
his loom, his books, and his mobiles, and afterwards drug his charred body
from the ashes, and then ran him through, teaching him once and for all that
you do not burn first.  And, in one of the greatest insults you could give to
a Viking, they buried him beneath 6 feet of land, about five miles inland.
 And to this day, every man that has on ounce of Nordic blood spits on his
grave when they pass it, and Erik's birthday is celebrated every year with
the verse:
This lesson you must learn,
First you plunder, then you burn
Happy Birthday (Ugh!)
Happy Birthday (Ugh!)
And that, my friends, is why we still sing that song today.