Re: kazoo!

["E. T. Smith" <etsmith@compuzone.net>]

Poster: "E. T. Smith" <etsmith@compuzone.net>

Dear Henry,
You wrote:

> I could probably manage a set of those cymbals you strap to your
> knees,
> too. But, realistically, what you describe would be difficult unless I
>
> modified the kazoo so I could reliably hold onto it without hands. I
> wouldn't want to risk it with a "stock" kazoo.

There is a simple solution to this dilemma. Grip the kazoo
with your teeth and hum away. If you've lost your teeth either through
periodontal disease or from someone's violent response to one of your
verbal
indiscretions, you may wish to loop a leather thong around the kazoo's
top sound port and tie it behind your head.

What about nose flutes? Someone suggested that but I don't know what
they look like or if they require fingering.

The House of Musical Traditions in Takoma Park, Maryland usually has
nose
flutes in stock at the grand price of $0.60. If you affix the instrument

(Grafin Judith calls it a diabolical device) over your nostrils and
mouth,
you can play almost any melody by varying the position of your
jaw...dropped
for low notes and raised for high. The light weight of the instrument
(an
ounce or two), it's small size (2" x 2"), and its fiendishly irritating
sound make it a superior auditory weapon even when compared to the
oft-reviled
kazoo. A host of noble Atlantians live within minutes of the wonderful
store mentioned above. Perhaps you could persuade one of them to
purchase
a nose flute for you.

Warm regards,
Thomas

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