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Fwd: [Fwd: Merry X-mas Files]

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I couldn't help it, this deserves reading...

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From: "Peter Mancini"<Peter_Mancini@onesource.com>
To: "UK Special Projects"<UK_Special_Projects@onesource.com>
cc: Mancini@wefa.com, bgblist@lynx.dac.neu.edu, kenglish@alpinecsi.com,
        lynchj@netscout.com, barry.crowder@worldnet.att.net,
Message-ID: <86256572.0000A088.00@Internet-504.interliant.com>
Date: Thu, 18 Dec 1997 16:01:02 -0500
Subject: Merry X-mas Files
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Finally - a christmas joke email worth spreading!

>"The Xmas-Files"
>  by Frank Cammuso and Hart Seely
>  57 Elm Street
>  Bethlehem, Pa.
>  11:51 p.m., December 24th.
>  "We're too late! It's already been here."
>  "Mulder, I hope you know what you're doing."
>  "Look, Scully, just like the other homes: Douglas fir, truncated,
>  mounted, transformed into a shrine; halls decked with boughs of
>  stockings hung by the chimney, with care."
>  "You really think someone's been here?"
>  "Someone, or something."
>  "Mulder, over here--it's a fruitcake."
>  "Don't touch it! Those things can be lethal."
>  "It's O.K. There's a note attached: 'Gonna find out who's naughty and
>  nice.'"
>  "It's judging them, Scully. It's making a list."
>  "Who? What are you talking about?"
>  "Ancient mythology tells of an obese humanoid entity who could travel
>  at  great speed in a craft powered by antlered servants. Once a year,
>  near the winter solstice, this creature is said to descend from the
>  to reward its followers and punish disbelievers with jagged chunks of
>  anthracite."
>  "But that's legend, Mulder--a story told by parents to frighten
>  children. Surely you don't believe it?"
>  "Something was here tonight, Scully. Check out the bite marks on this
>  gingerbread man. Whatever tore through this plate of cookies was
>  massive--and in a hurry."
>  "It left crumbs everywhere. And look, Mulder, this milk glass has
>  completely drained."
>  "It gorged itself, Scully. It fed without remorse."
>  "But why would they leave it milk and cookies?"
>  "Appeasement. Tonight is the Eve, and nothing can stop its wilding."
>  "But if this thing does exist, how did it get in? The doors and
>  windows were locked. There's no sign of forced entry."
>  "Unless I miss my guess, it came through the fireplace."
>  "Wait a minute, Mulder. If you're saying some huge creature landed on
>  the roof and came down this chimney, you're crazy. The flue is barely
>  six inches wide. Nothing could get down there."
>  "But what if it could alter its shape, move in all directions at
>  once?"
>  "You mean, like a bowl full of jelly?"
>  "Exactly. Scully, I've never told anyone this, but when I was a child
>  my home was visited. I saw the creature. It had long white shanks of
>  surrounding its ruddy, misshapen head. Its bloated torso was red and
>  white. I'll never forget the horror. I turned away, and when I looked
>  back it had somehow taken on the facial features of my father."
>  "Impossible."
>  "I know what I saw. And that night it read my mind. It brought me a
>  Mr. Potato Head, Scully. It knew that I wanted a Mr. Potato Head!"
>  "I'm sorry, Mulder, but you're asking me to disregard the laws of
>  physics. You want me to believe in some supernatural being who soars
>  across the skies and brings gifts to good little girls and boys.
>  Listen to what you're saying. Do you understand the repercussions? If
>  this gets out, they'll close the X-files."
>  "Scully, listen to me: It knows when you're sleeping. It knows when
>  you're awake."
>  "But we have no proof."
>  "Last year, on this exact date, SETI radio telescopes detected bogeys
>  in the airspace over twenty-seven states. The White House ordered a
>  Condition Red."
>  "But that was a meteor shower."
>  "Officially. Two days ago, eight prized Scandinavian reindeer
>  from the National Zoo, in Washington, D.C. Nobody--not even the
>  zookeeper--was told about it. The government doesn't want people to
>  know about Project Kringle. They fear that if this thing is proved to
>  exist the public will stop spending half its annual income in a
>  shopping frenzy. Retail markets will collapse. Scully, they cannot
>  the world believe this creature lives. There's too much at stake.
>  They'll do whatever it takes to insure another silent night."
>  "Mulder, I--"
>  "Sh-h-h. Do you hear what I hear?"
>  "On the roof. It sounds like ... a clatter."
>  "The truth is up there. Let's see what's the matter."
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