Spandex and Elf Ears and Fangs, oh my!

[SCAVard@aol.com]

Poster: SCAVard@aol.com

I apologize for this longish post, but in light of the recent flap over
Pennsic lately, I think this 'medicine' is sorely needed.  Apparently some of
my friends in the Middle have w-a-a-a-y too much time on their hands!  The
following is cross-posted from yesterday's Middlebridge.  :)

Enjoy!
-Vard
---------------------------
Date: Thu, 7 Jan 1999 12:31:12 -0600
From: "Scott Wilkerson" <scottw@gsbfac.uchicago.edu>
Subject: [Mid] Do you remember this scene from a classic movie?

Lady Dorothy
I don't like this encampment! It's - it's kitchy and out of period!

Senescrow
Of course, I don't know, but I think it'll get kitchier before it gets better.

Lady Dorothy
Do - do you suppose we'll meet any wild belly dancers?

Tin Knight
Yummm - we might.

Lady Dorothy
Oh -

Senescrow
Dancers that - that show skin?

Tin Knight
Maybe - some - but mostly we'll see spandex and elf ears and fangs.

Lady Dorothy
Spandex!

Senescrow
And elf ears!

Tin Knight
And fangs!

Lady Dorothy
Oh! Spandex and elf ears and fangs! Oh, - my -

Lady Dorothy, Senescrow, Tin Knight
Spandex and elf ears and fangs!

Lady Dorothy
Oh My!

Senescrow
Oh, look!

Lady Dorothy
Oh!

Vampire
Hah! Put 'em up! Put 'em - up! Which one of you first? I'll fang you both
together, if you want.  I'll fang ya' with one claw tied behind my back! I'll
fang ya' standin' on one hoof! I'll fang ya' with both my sockets closed. Oh,
pullin' an axe on me, eh? Sneakin' up on me, eh?  Why!

Tin Knight
Here - here. Go away and let us alone.

Vampire
Oh, offended, huh? Appalled, huh? Hah! How long can you stay fresh in that
can? Come on, you can't stand up to my spite, you shivering junk yard! Quit
covering your eyes up, you puffed up bag of wind!

Senescrow
Now that's getting personal, vampire.

Tin Knight
Yes, tell him he's out of period and teach him a lesson.

Senescrow
Well I might hurt his feelings, what's wrong with you teachin' him?

Tin Knight
Me? - well - well, I hardly know him.

Vampire (Chases after Toto the Pelican)
Well, I'll bite you anyway, Pee Wee.

Lady Dorothy 
(Grabs his arm to hold him back) Oh! Shame on you! *Rrrrip*

Vampire
What did you do that for? I didn't fang him.

Lady Dorothy
No, but you tried to.  It's bad enough picking on a Kingdom Official, but when
you go around picking on poor little Pelicans.

Vampire
Well, you didn't have to go and rip my sleeve, did you?  Oh no!  Are my hose
running?

Lady Dorothy
Well, of course not. My goodness, what a fuss you're making!  Well, naturally
when you go around picking on things politer than you are - why, you're
nothing but a great big fop!

Vampire
You're right, I'm secretly a... a dandy! But I haven't any sense of taste at
all. I even offend myself.  Look at the mascara circles under my eyes.  I
haven't danced in weeks.

Tin Knight
Why don't you try tatting lace?

Vampire
That doesn't do any good - I don't have the motor skills.

Senescrow
Oh, that's too bad. Don't you think the Triple could help him too Dorothy?

Lady Dorothy
I don't see why not. Why don't you come along with us? We're on our way to see
the Triple Peer now. To get the Knight a beer.

Tin Knight
And him a Seneschal's court.

Senescrow
And her an encampment.

Lady Dorothy
I'm sure he could give you some taste.

Vampire
Well, wouldn't you feel degraded to be seen in the company of a gothic
vampire?  I would.

Lady Dorothy
No, of course not!

Vampire
Gee, that - that's awfully nice of you.  My existence has been very grave up
'til now.

Lady Dorothy
Oh, well, it's all right now. The Triple Peer'll fix everything.

Vampire
It - it's been in me so long I just gotta tell you how I feel

(Sings)

Yeah, it's sad, believe me, Missy, When you're born to be a sissy
Perfumed and pouffed and laced
But I'd stand right up and boast, be a dandy not a ghost
If I only had some taste.
I know it's really campy to be dressed so dark and vampy
A fate I don't deserve.
I'd be fancy as a whipple....

Tin Knight
I'd be happy with a tipple....

Senescrow
My court would cause a ripple....

All
If the Triple is a Triple who will serve.
Then I'm sure to get...

Senescrow
a court,

Tin Knight
a beer,

Lady Dorothy
a camp,

Vampire
the verve!

All together
We're off to see the Triple, The Wonderful Peer of all Three.
You'll find he is a dear of a Peer! If ever a Peer there be.
If ever oh ever a Peer there be The Peer of all three is one you see,
You see, you see, you see, you see, you see.
And maybe he'll make us a peer trainee.
We're off to see the Triple, The Wonderful Peer of all Three.

(The skip off singing their way happily down the Runeystone Hwy.)

-----------------------------------------------------------------
This classic movie clip was brought to you byJonathon, the Munchkin of Wimbern
From:  "Scott Wilkerson" <scottw@gsbfac.uchicago.edu>

=======================================================================
List Archives, FAQ, FTP:  http://merryrose.atlantia.sca.org/
            Submissions:  atlantia@atlantia.sca.org
        Admin. requests:  majordomo@atlantia.sca.org