Courtly Behavior

["Susan and Frank Downs" <sfdowns@pinn.net>]

Poster: "Susan and Frank Downs" <sfdowns@pinn.net>

    Greetings, Merry Rose! I've been following the discussion with much
interest; I've heard variations on this theme repeatedly for most of my
seventeen years in the SCA. I have a different perspective on modern
courtesy, however.
     I teach women's self-defense classes, and we frequently talk about
"approaches" used by would-be attackers. I never advocate a rude response
from a woman approached by a man, with offers of unsolicited assistance,
requests for directions, or whatever. I tell my students to be assertively
polite, but primarily to watch how a man responds to them. A courteous,
good-hearted man will respect a woman's stated wishes; a "creepy" one will
often ignore a woman's firm-yet-polite refusal of help and insist on
imposing his will (a bad sign), or interpret simple politeness as a come-on.
My students report that they are nicer to most people after self-defense
training, simply because they are more confident and less defensive, while
still being alert and careful. I myself often hold doors for strangers, of
any age or gender, simply because I dislike having anyone at my back. 
    In the SCA, I tend to most enjoy the company of lords who are respectful
of me as a person, and I try to extend them the same courtesy. I am happy to
say that I have met far more chivalrous gentlemen than boorish ones. I also
commend the ladies of the Merry Rose for their  insights. I am determined to
emulate the fine examples of courtesy I see here. I learn something every
time I visit!
With regards to all,
Baroness Caitlin ni h'Arrachtain
(Susan Downs  sfdowns@pinn.net)
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