Courtly Love

[REAMESD1@westat.com (REAMESD1)]

Poster: REAMESD1@westat.com (REAMESD1)

Lord Galen brings up a good point:  "Courtly Love" is not synonymous with the
good manners and offers of personal service that mark persons of nobility.  

There are many places where one may find the synopsis of Andreas Capellanus's
treatise on "Courtly Love".  Here is one: 
http://www.brown.edu/Departments/Italian_Studies/dweb/literature/topics/amore/ar
t_of_courtly_love.htm

"Andreas Capellanus wrote the three books of his treatise The Art of Courtly
Love at the request of Countess Marie of Troyes, daughter of Eleanor of
Aquitaine. It supposedly portrays life at the Queen's court from 1170 to 1174.
In the book Capellanus discusses the concept of courtly love and prepares to
explain its "rules" very clearly so as to provide a manual or handbook on Love: 
1.  Marriage is no real excuse for not loving. 
2.  He who is jealous cannot love. 
3.  No one can be bound by a double love. 
4.  It is well known that love is always increasing or decreasing. 
5.  That which a lover takes against the will of his beloved has no relish. 
6.  Boys do not love until they reach the age of maturity. 
7.  When one lover dies, a widowhood of two years is required of the survivor. 
8.  No one should be deprived of love without the very best of reasons. 
9.  No one can love unless he is propelled by the persuasion of love. 
10. Love is always a stranger in the home of avarice. 
11. It is not proper to love any woman whom one would be ashamed to seek to
marry. 
12. A true lover does not desire to embrace in love anyone except his beloved. 
13. When made public love rarely endures. 
14. The easy attainment of love makes it of little value: difficulty of
attainment makes it prized. 
15. Every lover regularly turns pale in the presence of his beloved. 
16. When a lover suddenly catches sight of his beloved his heart palpitates. 
17. A new love puts an old one to flight. 
18. Good character alone makes any man worthy of love. 
19. If love diminishes, it quickly fails and rarely revives. 
20. A man in love is always apprehensive. 
21. Real jealousy always increases the feeling of love. 
22. Jealousy increases when one suspects his beloved. 
23. He whom the thought of love vexes eats and sleeps very little.  
24. Every act of a lover ends in the thought of his beloved. 
25. A true lover considers nothing good except what he thinks will please his
beloved. 
26. Love can deny nothing to love. 
27. A lover can never have enough of the solaces of his beloved. 
28. A slight presumption causes a lover to suspect his beloved. 
29. A man who is vexed by too much passion usually does not love. 
30. A true lover is constantly and without intermission possessed by the thought
of his beloved. 
31. Nothing forbids one woman being loved by two men or one man by two women."

It is important to realize that "Courtly Love" is an artificial concept not a
natural one.  Its rules are very precise (the actual treatises go into great
detail about how these 31 rules are applied).  Courtly Love is not always
"politically correct" by current standards.  Characteristics of Courtly Love:  *
Courtly love is aristocratic; * Courtly love is adulterous, but its sexuality is
uncertain; * Knight puts lady on a pedestal, he is "chained" to her; * She
inspires him to higher deeds of chivalry.
Capellanus makes it very clear that non-aristocrats are too coarse by nature to
be able to practice and understand Courtly Love.  

For example, rule #1 (Marriage is no real excuse for not loving.) does not mean
that you can find love in your marriage if you try hard enough (the lesson
espoused in modern magazines and self-help books).  Rather, if you read
Capellanus' explanations, you discover that under the Rules of Courtly Love it
was considered low-class and distasteful to publicly demonstrate a passion for
one's spouse.  Rather, your Courtly Love should be someone of the opposite sex,
who is of higher rank, and somewhat "unattainable".  The more noble and
admirable your focus, the better.  Hence, for many gentlemen, the Queen would be
an obvious choice for a Courtly Love.  For others, that is aiming too high, it
is considered arrogant to aspire across an extreme social gap.  Thus the
Knight's Lady is often the obvious choice as Courtly Love for his squires or
men-at-arms.  Another correct choice might be a Lady-in-waiting or other
noblewomen of the court.

Because of the aspect of unattainability (the height of the pedestal) a man
might have a perfectly sound, affectionate relationship with his wife, fiance,
or mistress AND at the same time have a "spiritual" devotion to his Courtly
Love.  An example of this in the SCA, is that when Baudoin and I were first
joined, he made no secret of the fact that Duchess Ysabeau was his Courtly Love.
 Since she was of high rank (certainly higher than I), well-educated, and
admirably accomplished in courtly traits, I agreed that he had made a very sound
choice.  It was part of his duty as a parfait Knight to have a worthy Courtly
Love; it reflected his nobility and inspired him to even higher deeds of
chivalry, thereby reflecting honor on me and our household as well.  Yet, this
in no way released him from the responsibilities he owed to me, his "lady".  He
still bore my favor, sat with me at meals, consulted with me about his plans,
and treated me with the proper respect due a noblewoman and the chatelaine of
his household.  But in public, (when he remembered to play the Courtly Love
game) his exaggerated sighs, bent knee, flourishes and courtly speeches were,
quite rightly, addressed to her, his paragon.  And, since turnabout is fair
play, at the same time, I had my own admirers who exclaimed about my milky white
skin, and proffered their arms, or begged for a dance.  (Ah, yes, THOSE were the
days…)

Such admiration may or may not be requited.  The rules imply a great deal of
"loving from afar".  At the same time, it was assumed that the lover's ultimate
goal was to have "true union" with his paragon.  Rules #14 and 28 are warnings
not to be "easy to get".  If your Courtly Love accedes too quickly to your
delirious requests for physical affection, then you must immediately assume that
she is not as pure and noble as you thought.  More wifely material than Courtly
Love J.

Cloven fruit, albeit a modern invention, can easily fit the rules of Courtly
Love.  It is a token that one would present to one's Courtly Love (Rules 24,
25).  If accepted, one would be delighted at the prospect of exchanging some
physical embrace (limit set by the recipient).  But Rules 5 and 13 apply:  one
must never use force or take more than is offered, and one would certainly not
offer a fruit when the spouse was standing right there!  Discretion above all! 
In a true "courtly romance" a lover would spend much time and effort at finding
or creating a private moment to present the cloven fruit, and then later,
swooningly describe to only his closest of friends the great joy of kissing her
hand.  ("I'll treasure this moment forever" sort of stuff.)  This is a major
part of the "game" — much time was spent by the various Ladies and Lords of the
court speculating on whether a noble was newly in love (signified by a paled
complexion, apprehensiveness, etc.), trying to guess the identity of the Courtly
Love, and offering each other advice on possible choices for Courtly Love and
ways to obtain requited love.

Like all games, this one can be played well or poorly!  It helps to ensure that
all players are aware of the rules and agree that it is, indeed, just a game.  

Yours in Favor of Courtly Love and the Leisure and Space at Events to play it
properly,
Duchess Caterina de Forza d'Agro
REAMESD1@WESTAT.COM

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