Fw: Dave Barry on Re-enactors

[Wynnie <xenadrum@yahoo.com>]

Poster: Wynnie <xenadrum@yahoo.com>



This is *way* funny!!!!

> --------- Begin forwarded message ----------
> I laughed,  I cried,  almost pee'd my pants!
> 
> Khavi
> >***************************
> >
> >March 7, 1999 BY DAVE BARRY Knight Ridder News
> Service
> >
> >I WAS surprised to learn that there are people in
> Miami who practice
> sword
> >fighting. I never thought of Miami as a sword kind
> of town. Down here,
> we
> >like to brandish our weapons at other motorists
> from inside our cars,
> which
> >would be risky with a sword:
> >
> >FIRST MOTORIST (honking): Watch where you're going!
> >
> >SECOND MOTORIST: Oh, YEAH? (He brandishes his
> sword.)
> >
> >FIRST MOTORIST (fleeing): Yikes!
> >
> >SECOND MOTORIST: I showed him! (To his children in
> the back seat:) Kids,
> >could you look on the floor and see if you can find
> daddy's ear?
> >
> >But it turns out that Miami does have practicing
> sword fighters. They
> belong
> >to the Renaissance Historical Society of Florida, a
> group of people who
> wear
> >costumes and pretend they're living during the
> Renaissance. The
> >Renaissance -- as you recall from not spelling it
> correctly one single
> time
> >in your entire academic career -- was the
> historical period that started
> in
> >the 15th century at approximately 3:30 p.m. when
> humanity, after
> centuries
> >of being cooped up in the Dark Ages, finally
> stumbled out into the light
> and
> >got a whiff of its own armpits and said, "Whoa!
> Time to invent cologne!"
> >This was followed by tremendous advances in
> science, philosophy,
> literature
> >and paintings of naked women.
> >
> >On a recent Sunday afternoon I watched members of
> the Renaissance
> Historical
> >Society rehearse for a public performance at an
> upcoming Renaissance
> >festival. They were leaping around, swinging large,
> realistic swords at
> each
> >other and yelling Renaissance insults such as --
> this is an actual
> insult
> >they yelled -- "You snotmuffin!"
> >
> >When they were done, I talked to two of the
> organizers, Roger Zollo and
> Kyle
> >Mathews, about the Renaissance movement, which
> involves groups and
> festivals
> >all over the country.
> >
> >"We try to be as period as possible," said Zollo.
> >
> >"Although we do bathe," noted Mathews.
> >
> >"Right," agreed Zollo. "We don't want to smell
> Renaissance."
> >
> >The re-enactors wear authentic costumes, which
> means the men wear
> tights.
> >(And before I hear any snickering from you guys out
> there who think men
> look
> >silly in tights, I have two words for you: "golf
> pants.") The
> Renaissance
> >men also wear codpieces, which are pieces of cloth
> that cover up a
> man's,
> >um, codpiece area. Zollo and Mathews told me that
> some guys make their
> own
> >codpieces and personalize them: One guy made a
> fuzzy red codpiece that
> >squeaked if you squeezed it. (My feeling about that
> is, if you have a
> >squeaking codpiece, you had better have a really
> big sword.)
> >
> >THE RENAISSANCE people also spend a lot of time
> learning authentic
> >sword-fighting techniques. I have an interest in
> this topic dating to
> 1964,
> >when my friend Lanny Watts talked me into joining
> the Pleasantville High
> >School fencing club. This was a serious competitive
> club, but Lanny and
> I
> >frankly did not have the correct attitude, a fact
> that became clear when
> it
> >came time to form into pairs and practice a basic
> fencing technique.
> Lanny
> >was paired against one of the veteran club members,
> who had assumed his
> >fighting stance, holding his fencing sword in the
> ready position;
> suddenly
> >Lanny ran from the room, only to return a moment
> later holding: a
> trombone.
> >Even though I was lying on the floor and trying not
> to wet my pants, I
> still
> >have a vivid motion picture in my mind of the scene
> that followed: Lanny
> >charging forward, blowing into the trombone and
> thrusting boldly with
> the
> >sliding part, as his opponent retreated in
> confusion and -- yes -- fear.
> >Lanny and I were immediately kicked out of the
> fencing club. But I think
> >they knew who won.
> >
> >Anyway, my main question about sword-fighting
> technique is this: How
> come,
> >when you see a sword fight in the movies, where two
> guys are doing
> >everything they can to kill each other, and one of
> them finally gets the
> >upper hand and has his sword point pressed against
> his enemy's neck,
> instead
> >of killing him -- which he has been trying hard to
> do for 10 minutes --
> HE
> >MAKES A SPEECH, usually involving the word
> "varlet"? Because while he's
> >yakking, the other guy ALWAYS gets away.
> >
> >I asked Zollo and Mathews why movie sword fighters
> did this, and they
> >answered, "Theatrics." They also said they rarely
> kill people in their
> >performances.
> >
> >"We try to show respect for life," said Mathews.
> >
> >"Plus," said Zollo, "it's a pain in the butt to
> carry the bodies away."
> >
> >Thus we see that the Renaissance movement
> represents positive historic
> >values. This is heartening because many of its
> members, at least in the
> >group I saw, are young people. So the next time you
> find yourself
> thinking
> >that today's youth are nothing but mindless,
> giant-pant-wearing,
> >tattoo-getting, MTV-clone snotmuffins whose
> definition of "ancient" is
> >"before Ginger left the Spice Girls," remember that
> there ARE young
> people
> >who are interested in preserving, and promoting, a
> vital part of
> humanity's
> >cultural heritage. And while you're remembering
> that, bear in mind that
> >"Varlet and the Squeaking Codpieces" would be an
> excellent name for a
> rock
> >band.
> >
> >
> 
> 
> --------- End forwarded message ----------
> 
>
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