Darth Vader Wheezing?? LONG

["David Ritterskamp" <jonnyb70@hotmail.com>]

Poster: "David Ritterskamp" <jonnyb70@hotmail.com>



>I'll even wheeze some if it'll help any.  :)
>
>// VARD //
>
[I was just struck with this image...

time:  1976
place: filming begins on "Project Blue Harvest", known later to the world as 
Star Wars...

Lucas:  See, David, it says right here in the script that Darth Vader, your 
character, wheezes menacingly.

David Prowse:  George... can I call you George?  Look, George, my character 
is 6' 6", dressed in black, carries an electron sword, can kill with a wave 
of his hand and you want me to *wheeze* MENACINGLY???

Lucas:  rrk mmf mrgl brpk.

DP:  What?

Lucas:  RRK MMF MRGL BRPK!

DP:  Oh, sorry.  (sets Lucas down)

Lucas:  er... anybody got any ideas?  how about  "hiss menacingly..." no... 
"growl mena..." never mind...  Okay, that's it, scrap the movie...

DP:  George?

GL:  [dejected] yes?

DP:  I have a suggestion.

GL:  [eager] yeah?

DP:  and it'll save your picture.

GL:  YEAH???

DP:  there's only one condition.

GL:  ANYTHING!!

DP:  this silly little "electron sword" business... I was thinking...

GL:  WHAT???

DP:  maybe we could call it a "lightsaber" instead?

GL:  GREAT!!  SURE!!! WHATEVER!!! Now what can I say instead of "Wheeze" ??

DP:  How about "rasping menacingly?"

GL:  ...

DP:  here, let me illustrate.  [proceeds to deliver the line "I sense a 
disturbance in the Force." wheezing asthmatically like a lifetime chain 
smoker.]

GL:  That's right out.

DP:  now for rasping menacingly... [proceeds to deliver the line again with 
the bass inhale / click / treble exhale we've all come to know and love]

GL:  That's GREAT!  Can you do that all through the movie?  We're on a 
budget, you know.

DP:  well, I don't know..

GL:  Of course, there's this little known actor by the name of 
Schwarzenegger that's dying for the part...

DP:  *rasps menacingly* I THINK NOT.

-finis



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