"the Funtime Hockey Club"

[DAWN <DSKULLY@LANDO.HNS.COM>]

Alfredo el Bufon brings to our attention the many ways that we have placed
ourselves in danger of being misunderstood. Among his many worthwhile 
suggestions was one to rename ourselves "the Funtime Hockey Club".

This suggestion has much merit and shall, I'm sure, be taken under advisement.
I would ammend it, however to read "the Funtime Cambok Club, Inc.". 'Cambok'
in order to retain some flavor of our former non-PC pursuits. 'Inc.' in order
to avoid the near occasion of lawsuits and other such unpleasantness, as well as
to insulate the governing bodies from the membership. (Just teasing, Your Grace)

As for renaming our King "Most Valuable Player", I must fully agree. We would
not want to be misunderstood and mislabeled. I further suggest that our Queens,
so as not to be confused with other non-PC terminology, and in following with
the sports theme, should be renamed 'Coach'. A Queen's job, after all, is to
graciously encourage all about her to strive to be their very best. 

The term Seneschal itself sounds very archaic and thus probably indicates, in
some language or another, one who worships Satan. This cannot be permitted in
our new PC organization so this term must also go. 'General Manager' is the
best option that I can see. Other suggestions could include 'Grand Whazoo',
which better describes how important this position is to our Kingdoms (OH! 
'Kingdom'; team?, league?, ??) would never work. Who knows who might hear and
misinterpret. Anybody who thinks that they are grand must be a charismatic
leader.

We must take care with the use of the word 'Knight'. I think that this term 
is a danger to us. It is my understanding that among those we don't want to
offend, knights wear white sheets. Ours wear white belts. A sheet is just a
step away in the mind of one who really isn't listening to us anyway, so I'm
very sorry to have to point out that 'Knight' has to go as well. We can't use
'Captain' because this would label us a terrorist group and subject to
examination by our wise and benevolent house committee chairpeople (cool PC
word, huh). I confess that I'm currently at a loss for the proper term to
replace 'Knight'. Perhaps one of my readers has a suggestion.

In summary, Alfredo is ever so right (er, left, er, where are we supposed to
be?). We must search out and obliterate all dangerous practices and
terminology. We are in deep danger. Just look at the name of our newsletter.
ACORNS, besides resembling the motherships of all peers (is 'peers' OK? What do
you think? Can we keep it? It's being associated with the OJ trial which in
my mind is very, very un-PC) anyway, acorns were associated with Druidic
ritual. Sorry - the newsletter must be renamed. I suggest 'PC Magazine', oh,
er, never mind, it's been done. 

Aurora