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The Unmatchable Don Fernando

Countess Ianthe proclaims the overwhelming superiority of her fair lord, 

>     To Leifr, I need wear no belt
>     For I have generally felt
>     That no man but mine
>     Is passingly fine
>     To make my resolve all to melt.

to which I can only reply:

Perhaps it's best not to boast
Of the skill I am known for the most
But the strength of my hand
On woman (or man)
S'like to tenderize the toughest of roast

Be it Baroness, Captain, or Knight
If it seems that their back is not right
Their shoulders I'll seize
'Til they're begging me please
To leave something with tomorrow to fight

And true if I wish to I can
Cause Aislynn to faint 'neath my hand
For this crowd thriller
I'm called "Lady Killer"
But Aislynn will say "rub me again"

And often these Ladies ask me
Of marriage vows am I still free
Though sad is the thing
I must show them my ring
So unhappy they ever will be

So if Fernando is ever found slack
When you find you've a stitch in your back
Call Leifr to you
And I'll be happy to
Manipulate you to a resounding CRACK

Leifr Johansson
Viking Hal Bard (until they throw me out of the guild)
and Lady Killer