Re: Jobs and Cookies

[Rowanwald South <rowanwald@wwisp.com>]

Poster: Rowanwald South <rowanwald@wwisp.com>

Heather Swann wrote:
> 
> 
>   Milord N has always enjoyed doing what he does, and has had no thought to
> awards.  At this point, people start saying 'When you get your ___', 'I'm sure
> you'll get a _____', and 'It usually takes __________ effort and _____time to
> get a _______, and you've definitely done that'.  They say these things over
> and over around Milord N, who is a decent guy and tries to ignore all this,
> and requests that folks please stop making these comments.
> Over a period of a couple of years or so, Milord N sees several people whose
> merits are not obvious and who have been in for a shorter time get all manner
> of cookies, seemingly without doing the work.  Milord N starts to feel
> overlooked, perhaps a bit resentful, and feels his earnest effort is not
> appreciated.  Add to this the fact that people no longer bother to thank him
> or show appreciation for what he does.  And then to cap it off, people assume
> he already has a ______, so no one bothers to recommend him.
> <snip>
> Once
> you mention awards, no matter how innocently, it seems to start this downward
> slide.
> <snip again>
> It implies that everyone gets one sooner or later, and that there is a
> schedule for it, and you might be falling behind.It also implies that that's why you do what you do, and you're
> just a trained dog jumping through hoops.  And no matter how long you put your
> fingers in your ears and say 'lalala' and try to ignore it, sooner or later it
> gets to you, and detracts from your SCA experience.



   I'm sorry to say it, but I have to agree with Meri. It is not kind, in 
the long run, to raise someone's hopes in that way.... much as it would 
seem like it at the time. I distinctly remember, when standing as a guard 
for a Pelican's vigil, the moment when he (he was a dear friend) turned 
to me with tears in his eyes and admitted that he had given up hoping for 
the Peerage years before. He had been told over and over again, by 
many people, even by the (then) Prince that he should 'not miss any 
Kingdom events, (wink, wink, nudge, nudge)'.  After two reigns, he lost 
heart and just laid his hopes aside. All any of us noticed was that he 
didn't seem to take as much joy in his service as he used to. It's a 
painful thing to watch, much less experience. BTW, that Peer is now one 
of our inactive ones - I wonder if there is a connection?

So I would suggest - if you wish to help elevate the heart of a hard 
worker/fighter/artisan, make their work known to the Order and the Crown, 
and say nothing about awards to your friend until you can say 
"Congratulations."

Rosine

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