Re: Escorting Ladies (long)

[Greg Prevost <gregp@ix.netcom.com>]

Poster: Greg Prevost <gregp@ix.netcom.com>

> Greetings all,
> 
> First of all, thanks, Duchess Melisande, for your eloquent words on why you
> do not wish for an escort. They are among my reasons as well.
> 
> When I joined the SCA, I was told that the organization had two rules for
> participation: one must wear an attempt at period clothing and one must be
> _courteous_ to all. Courtesy, in my mind and according to the OED, is the
> consideration of other people's feelings, needs, wishes. Sir Xenophon said
> that: "there are many Ladies who do not desire an escort, and in such cases
> none are forced upon them." I beg to differ. Within the last 12 months in
> Atlantian court, I was REQUIRED to have an escort into court--twice in the
> same court. There was a man assigned to escort ladies into court, and when
> I was called into court, this person jumped up to escort me. I said to him,
> "No, thank you." He said that he "had to," and continued to walk with me
> against my will. This is a case of the need to _appear_ courteous taking
> the place of the true consideration of other's needs and desires on which
> courtesy should be based. To offer assistance is considerate act, but to
> force it upon someone unwilling violates the heart and soul of courtesy.

I agree completely, after having escorted more ladies then I care to
count into Court, it should always be an offer, not a demand!  I NEVER
take a Lady's arm and pull her into Court, I usually nod my head and ask
if I can escort her into Court.  If ANYONE ever forces you to be
escorted into Court then he is in the wrong.  (Save the King or Queen of
course but no Crown has ever told me all women had to be escorted, only
that all women had be be OFFERED an escort into Court) (And I not saying
it would be right for the Crowns to order it but I try to avoid ever
saying the Crown is wrong, too many sharks around to bite me if I did!
(GRIN)) If you would tell me the name of anyone who has done this I will
politely correct them in the proper manner of offering escort.

When I do it I mean it only as a courtesy, like offering to carry a
heavy package, or fill a mug, not as an insult.  All I ask is if someone
does not wish an escort merely smile and shake thier head, not glare at
me with evil intent. (-:

In Service and trying to be Courteous....

Janos


> If this custom is to persist, it should be as an *offer* of escort to *all*
> persons going into court. If the offer is refused, the person offering
> should gracefully withdraw. Those who feel very uncomfortable with an
> escort should not feel obliged to accept. To those offering and are turned
> down, do not feel insulted or take it personally. The other person may have
> any number of valid reasons for turning you down, most of which have
> nothing to do with you. Remember that it is discourteous to impose yourself
> on other people against their wills.
> 
> As for the providing assistance for those who need help getting up from
> kneeling or stumbling over garments, there should be someone among the
> Crown's or Baron(ess)'s attendants to stand ready to offer assistance. This
> is quite a different issue than that of insisting that women only receive
> an escort into court.
> 
> Teleri Talgellawg
> 
> ******
> Susan and Ken Reed                 AFPOPA               nachtanz@patriot.net
>    R K Architects, 900 S. Washington St., Falls Church VA 22046
> 
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