[Date Prev][Date Next][Thread Prev][Thread Next][Date Index][Thread Index][Author Index][Search Archives]

Beowulf, the whole story(long)

Poster: SCAwed <SCAwed@aol.com>

Beowulf, the storybook version
by Rathflaed DuNoir
The Black Bard of the Meridies, MSoB

See Grendel.  See Grendel eat. Eat, Grendel, eat. Grendel is eating a few
Danish for Breakfast. Grendel especially like the ones with the yellow coating
on top. This is good because there are so many of them.

See Hothgar. He is sad. Sad, sad, sad. His warriors are leaving. They are sad
because Grendel has eaten many of their friends. they do not want to play with
Grendel anymore because Grendel is mean.

Hothgar is also sad because his food is almost gone. Grendel eats the cows and
pigs and horsies, too. Grendel is very hungry. Eat, Grendel, eat.

Hothgar is also sad because his wife will not stop complianing. Whine, wife,
whine. Hothgar has tried to stop listening to he for three days now. Drink,
Hothgar, drink. Hothgar is almost out of mead. Poor Hothgar.

See Beowulf. he is big and strong and handsome. he has long Viking braids and
pointy horns on his hat and a realy big sword. Ooh, Beowulf, Ooh! He is
sailing to Denmark to visit Hothgar. Sail, Beowulf, sail. He does not know
that Hothgar is almost out of mead. Poor Beowulf.

Beowulf likes to sail. beowulf likes to drink even more. Poor, Beowulf. Whan
he gets to Denmark, threr is only enough mead left for one feast. Poor,
Beowulf. Poor, Hothgar. Poor, Warriors. Poor, Grendel. Beowulf is very mad.
mad, mad, mad.

Beowulf vows to slay Grendel. Vow, Beowulf, vow. He promisises to do many
great feats. he swears to return with Grendel's head. Drink, Beowulf, drink.

Beowulf is lying very still. Is he waiting to suprise Grendel? No, he is not
waiting to suprise Grendel. Is he meditating? No, he is not meditating. Is he
praticing an arcane ritual involving a lawn chair, six milk bottlesand a
tuning fork?
No, he is unconsious. Won't he be suprised whan he wakes up and they tell him
about his promises? Won't he be happy to know that he has a quest? Won't he
fee grand when the warriors cheer him? No, Beowulf will not feel grand for
awhile. he has a headache. Poor Beowulf. Please stop cheering warriors.

O see the castle. It is very quiet. Is is quiet because everyone is afraid of
Grendel? No it is not quiet because everyone is afraid of Grendel. Is it quiet
because everyone is afraid of Beowulf. Yes, it is quiet because everyone is
afraid of Beowulf. Beowulf has had a very bad headache for three days. Last
night, Beowulf's head hurt so bad that he was very mad. Mad, mad, mad. Grendel
came over to play and made to much noise. Beowulf was very upset. Beowulf was
so upset that he ripped Grendel's arm off and hung is over the door. Poor
Grendel. Poor warriors. Smile at Beowulf. Just do it quietly.

O see Grendel's mother. She is sad. Sad, sad, sad. is she sad because Grendel
is gone? Is she sad because her children never call? Is she sad because the
Angels are loosing again? Yes. she is sad for all there things. But she is
mostly sad because she won't get anymore mother's day presents. this makes her
mad. Mad, mad, mad. 

She gets so mad that she decides to have some Danish for dessert. That is
silly. Everyone knows that you are supposed to have Danish for breakfast.
Sill, silly, silly.

In fact it is so silly that we may think that Grendel's mother may have had
something besides food for diner. We think that Grendel's mother may have beed
drinking. Just like Beowulf.

O see Beowulf. Now that there is mead again he is drinking some more. Drink,
Beowulf, drink. Whan Grendel's mother comes to the feast, beowulf has already
drunk quite a bit. So has grendel's mother. He thinks she is the most
beautiful woman in the world and makes a pass at her. Pass, Beowulf, pass. She
is caught off guard and says no. Tease, monster, tease. Beowulf tries again.
She leaves and he goes home with her. Grendel's mother was never heard from
again. Beowulf was very quite about the whole situatuin. Quiet, quiet, quiet.

The End 

Want more!!
Blak bard has a tape with this on it (among other stuff)
send $9 for a tape or $12 for a cd to
a song book is $3
Balck Bird Recording
PO Box 75
Tustin, CA 92780

Just say Daria sent you! Enjoy!!
List Archives, FAQ, FTP:  http://sca.wayfarer.org/merryrose/
            Submissions:  atlantia@atlantia.sca.org
        Admin. requests:  majordomo@atlantia.sca.org