[Date Prev][Date Next][Thread Prev][Thread Next][Date Index][Thread Index][Author Index][Search Archives]

Re: Courtly behavior




Poster: Karen Marsh-Lovvorn <marshk@ipas.org>

Thank you for reminding us (ladies too!) about our manners!
Unfortunately, what you see in the SCA is merely a mirror of our larger
society.   Rudeness abounds on the roads, in the stores, in offices, on
television, e-mail, etc.  That doesn't make it acceptable, but it is an
unfortunate fact of life.  But, for all that, let me say that I still
believe SCAdians are more courteous than others outside - a credit to
all who have NOT forgotten the virtues of chivalry, and just plain good
manners!  Yes, there have been times when I have labored under heavy or
cumbersome burdens and able men have walked on by, unnoticing - but
there have also been plenty of times when I labored under those same
burdens and had many offers of assistance! 

Part of it is also that modern ladies simply are not accustomed to
expecting offers of help.  Our conditioning to strong, independent, "not
need a man for anything", etc., may cause us to see accepting help as an
admission of weakness, dependence, helplessness, etc.  Some of us don't
want to trouble anyone, or are so used to doing it ourselves that we
don't think to ask for help, or accept if it is offered!  Men have also
become conditioned to those attitudes, and may be afraid to offer help,
even if they feel they should.  How many times I have watched a
gentleman in the mundane world try to hold the door for a lady, only to
have her snap "I can do it myself" or ignore his half of the open door
and open the other side herself? (How many times have I opened my own
door, when there was a perfectly nice man holding the other one - only
because I was preoccupied in my own thoughts, or was so surprised by the
offer that it threw me off?) How much of that can a person take before
he gives up and decides it isn't worth it?

So, I will say to all: Ladies, be free to graciously accept help and
assistance if you need it, and thank the gentleman for his trouble.
Gentleman, don't be afraid to offer assistance, even if you are rebuffed
on occasion, for there are many who will welcome your help!  Parents,
teach your children common courtesy and good manners.  To anyone who
helps orient new members into the SCA, please stress that manners,
courtesy and courtly love are part of what we are.  As you bring in new
people, try to teach them, or encourage your local groups to offer
classes or "newbie orientations" which teach not only fighting nor A&S,
but also courtesy - and to All, if you receive a particular courtesy,
remember to recognize it and thank the giver! Positive reinforcement and
genuine appreciation are among the greatest gifts we can give one
another!

Kateryn atte moor 

Karen Marsh-Lovvorn
Executive Coordinator
Ipas, P.O. Box 999
Carrboro, NC 27510
(919) 967-7052
marshk@ipas.org



	-----Original Message-----
	From:	Galen [SMTP:galen@widomaker.com]
	Sent:	Wednesday, February 17, 1999 1:28 AM
	To:	Atlantia
	Subject:	Courtly behavior


	Poster: "Galen" <galen@widomaker.com>

	First of all, let me state the disclaimers. This thread is not
aimed at
	anyone in particular, nor is it a direct insult in anyway shape
or form, it
	is merely my observations. Comments, opinions, thought or
suggestions are
	always welcome.

	I have noticed over the last year or so a decline, in what I
consider to be
	one of the more important aspects of the SCA, atleast from my
standpoint. To
	put it simply many of us who play now < not all> have forgotten
the concept
	of, for lack of a better term, Courtly Love or the Cult of the
Lady. Our
	ladies of the SCA, should be held in the highest regard, for
they are the
	very reason we fight, we train, we act the way we do. Their
pleasure is the
	highest award that can be bestowed upon us, more than any crown
or any
	peerage given to us. It is their honor that we portray and
defend both on
	the field, and off. This is not being taught anymore, or atleast
it is not
	being shown if it is. I will give a example, to see a lady walk
under the
	burden of several baskets, bags or even one , along the way she
passes many
	able young men, whom are all either to busy, don’t know or
haven’t been
	taught properly, or plain just don’t care. Years ago, this was
not a scene
	that occurred in our Society, but today it is I am afraid to say
a very
	common occurrence. I think what troubles me even more however is
not the
	fact that the other gentlemen didn’t think enough to offer to
help, but the
	look of surprise on the ladies face. That tells me" Wow, this
never happens
	to me what a nice person." or in otherwords it is something that
happens so
	rarely that it is a novelty to the lady. Which it should never
be. That is
	but one small thing, but it’s all the small things that make the
difference.

	I could go on, but I want to atleast start small, put the
thought in your
	head, and wait for discussion. Gentlemen, it is our job, no duty
to act as
	such. To treat them as the utmost goal, the highest purity, and
I’m sure we
	shall learn to do so again. However, it is a 2 way street. The
Ladies do
	need to be worthy of the pedestal we should place them on acting
with grace
	and dignity. However we must assume all are worthy of such,
until they prove
	differently. I shall not tie up anymore bandwidth, but it is
something to
	think about. I’m not saying it is the absolute correct thing,
just a
	opinion.


	Galen The Traveller
	Capt. of His Highness’ Bodyguard





=======================================================================
	List Archives, FAQ, FTP:  http://merryrose.atlantia.sca.org/
	            Submissions:  atlantia@atlantia.sca.org
	        Admin. requests:  majordomo@atlantia.sca.org

=======================================================================
List Archives, FAQ, FTP:  http://merryrose.atlantia.sca.org/
            Submissions:  atlantia@atlantia.sca.org
        Admin. requests:  majordomo@atlantia.sca.org