RE: Courtly behavior

[Karen Marsh-Lovvorn <marshk@ipas.org>]

Poster: Karen Marsh-Lovvorn <marshk@ipas.org>

Galen:

Thank you for bringing that up, and for reminding us (ladies too!) about
our manners!  Unfortunately, what you see in the SCA is merely a mirror
of our larger society.   Rude behavior abounds on the roads, in the
stores, in offices, on television, e-mail, etc.  That doesn't make it
acceptable, in mundane or SCA life, but it is an unfortunate fact of
life.  But, for all that, let me say that I still believe SCAdians are
more courteous than others outside - a credit to all who have NOT
forgotten the virtues of chivalry, and just plain good manners!  Yes,
there have been times when I have labored under heavy or cumbersome
burdens and able men have walked on by, unnoticing - but there have also
been plenty of times when I labored under those same burdens and had
many offers of assistance! 

Part of it is also that modern ladies simply are not accustomed to
expecting offers of help.  Our conditioning to strong, independent, "not
need a man for anything", etc., may cause us to see accepting help as an
admission of weakness, dependence, helplessness, etc.  Some of us don't
want to trouble anyone, or are so used to doing it ourselves that we
don't think to ask for help, or accept if it is offered!  Men have also
become conditioned to those attitudes, and may be afraid to offer help,
even if they feel they should.  How many times I have watched a
gentleman in the mundane world try to hold the door for a lady, only to
have her snap "I can do it myself" or ignore his half of the open door
and open the other side herself? (How many times have I opened my own
door, when there was a perfectly nice man holding the other one - only
because I was preoccupied in my own thoughts, or was so surprised by the
offer that it threw me off?) How much of that can a person take before
he gives up and decides it isn't worth it?

So, I will say to all: Ladies, be free to graciously accept help and
assistance if you need it, and thank the gentleman for his trouble.
Gentleman, don't be afraid to offer assistance, even if you are rebuffed
on occasion, for there are many who will welcome your help!  Parents,
teach your children common courtesy and good manners.  To anyone who
helps orient new members into the SCA, please stress that manners,
courtesy and courtly love are part of what we are.  As you bring in new
people, try to teach them, or encourage your local groups to offer
classes or "newbie orientations" which teach not only fighting nor A&S,
but also courtesy - and to All, if you receive a particular courtesy,
remember to recognize it and thank the giver! Positive reinforcement and
genuine appreciation are among the greatest gifts we can give one
another!

Kateryn atte moor 


> -----Original Message-----
> From:	Galen [SMTP:galen@widomaker.com]
> Sent:	Wednesday, February 17, 1999 1:28 AM
> To:	Atlantia
> Subject:	Courtly behavior
> 
> 
> Poster: "Galen" <galen@widomaker.com>
> 
> First of all, let me state the disclaimers. This thread is not aimed
> at
> anyone in particular, nor is it a direct insult in anyway shape or
> form, it
> is merely my observations. Comments, opinions, thought or suggestions
> are
> always welcome.
> 
> I have noticed over the last year or so a decline, in what I consider
> to be
> one of the more important aspects of the SCA, atleast from my
> standpoint. To
> put it simply many of us who play now < not all> have forgotten the
> concept
> of, for lack of a better term, Courtly Love or the Cult of the Lady.
> Our
> ladies of the SCA, should be held in the highest regard, for they are
> the
> very reason we fight, we train, we act the way we do. Their pleasure
> is the
> highest award that can be bestowed upon us, more than any crown or any
> peerage given to us. It is their honor that we portray and defend both
> on
> the field, and off. This is not being taught anymore, or atleast it is
> not
> being shown if it is. I will give a example, to see a lady walk under
> the
> burden of several baskets, bags or even one , along the way she passes
> many
> able young men, whom are all either to busy, don’t know or haven’t
> been
> taught properly, or plain just don’t care. Years ago, this was not a
> scene
> that occurred in our Society, but today it is I am afraid to say a
> very
> common occurrence. I think what troubles me even more however is not
> the
> fact that the other gentlemen didn’t think enough to offer to help,
> but the
> look of surprise on the ladies face. That tells me" Wow, this never
> happens
> to me what a nice person." or in otherwords it is something that
> happens so
> rarely that it is a novelty to the lady. Which it should never be.
> That is
> but one small thing, but it’s all the small things that make the
> difference.
> 
> I could go on, but I want to atleast start small, put the thought in
> your
> head, and wait for discussion. Gentlemen, it is our job, no duty to
> act as
> such. To treat them as the utmost goal, the highest purity, and I’m
> sure we
> shall learn to do so again. However, it is a 2 way street. The Ladies
> do
> need to be worthy of the pedestal we should place them on acting with
> grace
> and dignity. However we must assume all are worthy of such, until they
> prove
> differently. I shall not tie up anymore bandwidth, but it is something
> to
> think about. I’m not saying it is the absolute correct thing, just a
> opinion.
> 
> 
> Galen The Traveller
> Capt. of His Highness’ Bodyguard
> 
> 
> 
> 
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