Re: Courtly behavior

[Alana Cleary <lulumialu@yahoo.com>]

Poster: Alana Cleary <lulumialu@yahoo.com>


It's so true. At my first weekend event, (the Baronial B-day of Sacred
Stone) I was attempting to carry one of those heavy Viking chairs to
the side of the field from my cabin. A gentleman saw my struggle, and
offer me assistance. Inside, I wanted to snub him, because 'I'm a 90's
gal, I can do it myself', but pushed that aside, and allowed him to
assist me. He seemed as happy to help as I was to not have to carry
that chair! 

I am slowly working the urge to snap at those who only mean to be
polite out of my system. But, it is still a difficult battle with all
I have ever been taught.

Until Again,

Alana



---Karen Marsh-Lovvorn <marshk@ipas.org> wrote:
>
> 
> Poster: Karen Marsh-Lovvorn <marshk@ipas.org>
> 
> Thank you for reminding us (ladies too!) about our manners!
> Unfortunately, what you see in the SCA is merely a mirror of our
larger
> society.   Rudeness abounds on the roads, in the stores, in offices,
on
> television, e-mail, etc.  That doesn't make it acceptable, but it is
an
> unfortunate fact of life.  But, for all that, let me say that I still
> believe SCAdians are more courteous than others outside - a credit to
> all who have NOT forgotten the virtues of chivalry, and just plain
good
> manners!  Yes, there have been times when I have labored under heavy
or
> cumbersome burdens and able men have walked on by, unnoticing - but
> there have also been plenty of times when I labored under those same
> burdens and had many offers of assistance! 
> 
> Part of it is also that modern ladies simply are not accustomed to
> expecting offers of help.  Our conditioning to strong, independent,
"not
> need a man for anything", etc., may cause us to see accepting help
as an
> admission of weakness, dependence, helplessness, etc.  Some of us
don't
> want to trouble anyone, or are so used to doing it ourselves that we
> don't think to ask for help, or accept if it is offered!  Men have
also
> become conditioned to those attitudes, and may be afraid to offer
help,
> even if they feel they should.  How many times I have watched a
> gentleman in the mundane world try to hold the door for a lady, only
to
> have her snap "I can do it myself" or ignore his half of the open door
> and open the other side herself? (How many times have I opened my own
> door, when there was a perfectly nice man holding the other one - only
> because I was preoccupied in my own thoughts, or was so surprised by
the
> offer that it threw me off?) How much of that can a person take before
> he gives up and decides it isn't worth it?
> 
> So, I will say to all: Ladies, be free to graciously accept help and
> assistance if you need it, and thank the gentleman for his trouble.
> Gentleman, don't be afraid to offer assistance, even if you are
rebuffed
> on occasion, for there are many who will welcome your help!  Parents,
> teach your children common courtesy and good manners.  To anyone who
> helps orient new members into the SCA, please stress that manners,
> courtesy and courtly love are part of what we are.  As you bring in
new
> people, try to teach them, or encourage your local groups to offer
> classes or "newbie orientations" which teach not only fighting nor
A&S,
> but also courtesy - and to All, if you receive a particular courtesy,
> remember to recognize it and thank the giver! Positive reinforcement
and
> genuine appreciation are among the greatest gifts we can give one
> another!
> 
> Kateryn atte moor 
  
==
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Ailienora Inghean Ceanniadeach ICQ#-31035568

-Per pale vert and azure, on a chevron inverted counterchanged fimbriated between a sun and a crescent, an estoile argent.-


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