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A Discussion of a Banter: Courtesy and Apologies
Lady Dragonfyr of Draconmere writes:
> I was told that the gentleman's reputation is spotless and his courtesy.
> unquestioned and I had some nerve to attack him in this fashion.
MY GOD, who told you that? I've had to make more private and public
apologies that just about anyone on this list. I've offended Princes and
Countesses and many others and many have I kneeled to (I've never had an
apology I MADE not accepted).
On the other hand, many people have also chosen to TAKE offense at my
words, and I am not in the habit of apologizing for their CHOICE. When I
wrote privately to you, I meant that -I- would not want to use the nubile
daughters of Stierbach to recruit, especially to recruit adults. Your
original post mentioning your twelve year old daughter DID NOT MENTION
twelve year old boys. But I did not then nor do I now seek to suggest
pandering on your part. You merely got involved in a Bantering thread,
and I replied privately and publicly, the later more carefully of course.
> My reputation was called into question and I have been not too subtlely
> informed that even the dimmest of dullards knows where and when he is
> neither wanted nor welcome. I am unsubscribing to the list....I was
> unaware that Atlantia was this type of place. I have even been chastized
> from the throne, unfairly I feel, but chastized nonetheless.
My Lady, -I- do not ask you to leave the Merry Rose. Nor, do I think, do
the HEIRS of Atlantia wish you to leave. While I don't know what TYPE of
place you now assume Atlantia to be, it is still one where a Lady may ask
for an apology. Just don't assume that you will get one, because just
because you CHOOSE to take offense at my words, does not mean that by the
rules of courtesy, I have GIVEN offense with my words.
Somewhere in this thread someone has wisely said that you can't claim
a gentleman is being offensive when skirting the margins of courteous
conduct, which most assurdedly BANTER on the Merry Rose is, until you've
had a chance to tell him of your displeasure. Unfortunately, what you
and a number of other people have not considered is that I am not
frequenting the Merry Rose every day of my life, and your comments to me
may have to wait a couple of days for a reply. If you had waited, after
sending me a private message, before sending a public demand for my
apology, you might not have received the full satisfaction you desired of
me, but neither would you have been publically and privately abused by
other patrons of the Merry Rose.
As His Highness, Prince Logan as pointed out, a sense of humor is a
wonderful thing. Also important, I believe, is a sense of proportion. An
expectation of courteous conduct, even from such as -I-, is not too much
to expect on the Merry Rose. However, when you choose to make demands of
another's courtesy, as you have done in the Merry Rose, it is best to
have discussed the matter with the gentle fully and privately to reach a
common understanding of each person's concerns before going public.
As I said, I've made apologies before. Doubtless, as I am not one to shy
from the edge of contraversy, I will make apologies again. In this, I
think myself better then those who would deny their fault, whether they
be King or Lady, and will not admit their error. Even amoungst those who
have written to defend you, My Lady, is one whom I've approached time
after time, telling her a certain conduct of hers is evil in my eye. She
has of yet, not ceased in this conduct, nor do I believe she ever will.
Such, I fear, is courtesy in the SCA.
Lord Leifr Johansson
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